Is it S.A.D.?

(Seasonal Affective Disorder)

Another day of school cancelled for tomorrow. It’s not even snowing, but ours being a commuter campus, the powers that be must have taken into consideration the difficulty of those “A” types who would risk bodily harm (theirs and others) in order not to miss class. I’m happy about it. I’ve been tired, emotionally and physically, and it’ll give me another day to be somewhat domestic. Somewhat. I’m never truly domestic. It’s just not my thing.

Circumstances ‘round here have been challenging lately. I’ve had some kind of stomach flu, and my cat, the One-Eyed Wizard, is on his way out. We can’t get him to eat and the prescribed treatment from the vet doesn’t seem to be helping. And though he’s hanging on, he’s not eating, so a decision needs to be made soon. I don’t want him to suffer, but I don’t want the “what ifs” to haunt me. What if we have him put down when a day or two later he finds his will to live?

My mother’s neighbor, a woman who lived next door during my traditional growing-up years, was found dead in her yard. Ma is broken up about it. I can’t get out of my mind what it must have felt like to lay there in the snow and slowly fade away. Ma said she spoke just a week ago about wanting to go quickly when it was her time. I hope she got her wish.

I’m behind on school work. I have so many ideas, and they all seem to be stuck. I can get them to rise so close to the surface, but they just won’t break through. Working on that…where it will go, I don’t know. It will be what it will be.

My middle son is making huge strides in music, and I get to live a little vicariously through him. No, I never had the passion for guitar, but I have to admit to wishing I was good enough and he was cool enough with me to ask me to sing along. After all, he’s been practicing Beatles songs all day. Teachers are on strike, so he’s got time on his hands. Dreams, dreams, dreams…..where do they go? Into our children?

I probably should force myself back into something that will help me “reach my goals.” Truth is, the primary goals tonight are taking a shower and snuggling down into the blankets. I think I may be able to reach them tonight.

Till later…

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