The End of the Year of Firsts

One Year Ago

Just wanted to share this, a kind of "where I'm at today" post. I knew in the back of my mind that it was coming: an end to the year of firsts, and now onto the anniversaries. Yesterday was the first anniversary of the last day that I thought but was not sure that the grains of sand in my father's timepiece were in very limited supply. My blog post above sounds much more sure than I really could have been at that time. I found out for certain the next day, one year ago today.

I'm wearing the scrub shirt he wore home from the hospital.

I'm hearing his voice in my head.

And I'm still afraid of everything, but now, it's all running together, and I couldn't, if I tried--and I have been trying--put my finger on any one thing and talk about that. It's lining the insides of my head and gut like moss, and I think the only thing for me to do right now is to roll around in it.

I'm praying a lot.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Peace & Love,
Sugah