I'm really too tired, mentally, physically, emotionally, to be doing this, but I want to "make some notes."
Friday, we met with a pastor I don't much care for, though I was respectful and polite out of respect for my mother. He conducted the service for my father the following day.
Friday evening, I went to a meeting because I needed to go to a meeting. For the third night in a row, I fell asleep exhausted, wanting closeness with my husband but unable to muster the energy to initiate. He left it in my court, considerately. I couldn't speak my heart.
Saturday, the funeral....Christian service my father would have hated. Two readings, one by my oldest sister, one by me, to honor my father. Both native American prayers. Beautiful. I felt very good about it. Think Dad would have liked them a lot.
Fell Saturday evening. Good news: no broken bones or apparent bruises. Bad news: jarred my whole boday. Got up Sunday morning and dug into freezing zucchini & green beans regardless. Hurting like hell right now.
Dad is gone, I think my husband is overloaded with it, partly because I didn't rely on him as much as he would have liked, I would have liked, and possibly as much as I should have. I feel a little trapped in my grief at times, and I don't know how to get out of it. Probably write about it, and I can't do that now.
Just notes. Just something to jog my mind when I sit down here, refreshed, I hope, and pour it all out.
Till later....
Friday, we met with a pastor I don't much care for, though I was respectful and polite out of respect for my mother. He conducted the service for my father the following day.
Friday evening, I went to a meeting because I needed to go to a meeting. For the third night in a row, I fell asleep exhausted, wanting closeness with my husband but unable to muster the energy to initiate. He left it in my court, considerately. I couldn't speak my heart.
Saturday, the funeral....Christian service my father would have hated. Two readings, one by my oldest sister, one by me, to honor my father. Both native American prayers. Beautiful. I felt very good about it. Think Dad would have liked them a lot.
Fell Saturday evening. Good news: no broken bones or apparent bruises. Bad news: jarred my whole boday. Got up Sunday morning and dug into freezing zucchini & green beans regardless. Hurting like hell right now.
Dad is gone, I think my husband is overloaded with it, partly because I didn't rely on him as much as he would have liked, I would have liked, and possibly as much as I should have. I feel a little trapped in my grief at times, and I don't know how to get out of it. Probably write about it, and I can't do that now.
Just notes. Just something to jog my mind when I sit down here, refreshed, I hope, and pour it all out.
Till later....
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